Conflicting Needs And Work
Look around and find a situation where you see things as ‘stuck’ - a relationship that is going nowhere, a stuck career, or simply a stuck car. Could there be something that is common across all these and many other such scenarios?
Brianna West in her book ‘The Mountain is You’ introduces the concept of Conflicting needs. When one part of you pulls you in one direction, and the other part of you pulls in another - your brain gets jammed unable to make a decision.
In neurological terms - our brain leverages stories to make the choices that it thinks essential for our survival. Therefore when it encounters a situation where it encounters two possible scenarios or outcomes on a decision where our survival is threatened but no clear differentiation is offered on which of these two paths offers better chances of survival impact - it jams. When we are going somewhere, we don’t get stuck trying to figure do we take left turn or a right turn if we do not know the direction - we simply make a turn and course correct if necessary. However, if it is a new job or quitting one to try something new - we can spend hours agonizing over the choice.
Conflicting Needs At Work & Career Choices?
In countless conversations with peers, friends, and mentees i have found that when it comes to work - we usually deal with two pairs of conflicting needs. Either it is the ‘growth vs balance’ pair or the ‘autonomy vs stability’ pair at play that gets one stuck in the career.
Autonomy vs Stability: Human beings do not like their survival being threatened - that is the reason change is hard for us. Whenever things around us feel unfamiliar, create a risk of basic survival or introduce volatility - it comes with a bout of anxiety or nervousness. Therefore, to minimize this jittery feeling we seek stability - in our health, in our family and in our jobs. But joining a job also means giving up slightly on another fundamental need of autonomy. Autonomy is usually a high need in those individuals who have either a significant level of self-awareness, a vision, high ego or a philosophical/creative bent of mind that seeks time for rumination and marination. Joining a set of individuals in an organization usually brings with it a set of defined norms, boundaries and ceding to hierarchy which can be stifling for such personalities introducing a set of conflicting needs
How Conflicting Needs Inhibit Career Growth
This behavior is understandable when seen through the lens of survival. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs tells us that when our basic needs—like food, shelter, and security are at risk, our instincts prioritize immediate stability over long-term planning. For many, this survival mode persists even when basic needs are no longer in jeopardy.
Scarcity thinking keeps us chasing incremental pay increases or titles that provide reassurance but don’t necessarily lead to career satisfaction. It’s like serial dating: temporary gains mask deeper misalignment.
Making Grey Decisions
xxx in her Ted Talk on “How to Make Difficult Decisions” talks about the fact that in such situations we are looking for a black and white answer when none exists. Reframing the question in such situations to “Which of these leads to the design of life that i can work with” allows us to step back and create some distinction between the two choices that helps get the brain unstuck. Turns out contrast is important in choices!
Thinking in Bets
Annie Duke in her book ‘thinking in bets’ frames life as a series of choices that influence the trajectory. The distinction she creates is of thinking between life as ‘one big decision’ vs ‘several small decisions’ and if we think of it a series of small decisions we cede some of the fear associated with getting the decision wrong. The other concept she introduces is of resulting where we tie the result or the outcome of our decision with the ‘quality’ of ‘our decision making’ and in an indirect way to ‘ourself’. This is what many experienced stock market veterans also espouse. You can analyze all the information at hand, make the right move and yet the market can prove you wrong. That is however not a reflection on you or your decision quality! You win some, you lose some. But rewiring our brain to think in terms of bets helps break this association and allows us to view it differently and break some of the brain’s short circuitry in times of conflicting needs
Getting Unstuck
Ultimately - if we find ourselves in situations where we can spot these pairs of conflicting needs at play, the worst play we can make is to remain stuck there. Action produces information and information produces decisions. Reframing our choice between the options helps bring differentiation to the alternatives which reconciles the conflicting needs, and thinking in bets helps us commit to a choice that seems worthy and keep moving.
Ready to Break Free?
Your career is one of the most significant choices you’ll make. Don’t let fear or external forces dictate it. With the right mindset and strategies, you can take charge of your professional journey and unlock your full potential.